Divided Attention, Memorial Day Edition

I had a feeling this would occur, that after the UK election was resolved I'd find myself devoid of intriguing comment. Even as the new coalition government is rocked by its first scandal: the resignation (after just under three weeks) of David Laws—the Lib Dem cabinet member tasked with assisting Chancellor George Osborne of identifying £6.3 billion worth of cuts—after it was unveilved that he claimed £40,000 in rent payments to his partner. (And on top of that, his replacement Danny Alexander, who started out as the government's Scottish Secretary, is also under scrutiny for making use of tax loopholes.)

But instead, much as my attention has been the past three weeks, I'm focused elsewhere. And inbetween watching Mizzou softball win convincingly twice this weekend and the typical Memorial Day fare, I watched (or perhaps more accurately, subjected myself) to this year's Eurovision Song Contest. The great combination of Europop, bizarre and retro outfits, cheesy lyrics, and voluptuous performers from the fringes of the European Broadcasting Union (along with the occasional heavy metal band and obligatory performer from the UK that Simon Cowell would have dismissed from The X Factor before blinking) attracted an audience of tens of millions across Europe last weekend, including 8 million on BBC One & BBC Radio Two to hear 19-year-old Josh Dubovie earn a whopping ten points for Britain with "That Sounds Good To Me". (That happened to net the UK last place for the second time in three years, as the winner from Germany, fellow 19-year-old Lena with "Satellites", netted 246 points. You just might hear that song in the States this summer.)

And then, as I was cutting back and forth between my grandparents visiting from the old stomping grounds for the weekend and Dario Franchitti strolling through Indy at 220 mph, I wondered if such a contest could ever play out in the US. Just picture it: performers from all 50 states (plus DC, Puerto Rico, US Virgin Islands, and maybe even the Guam, American Samoa, Northern Mariana Islands and the three nations with whom we have a Compact of Free Association) competing for other states' votes by singing original songs (as opposed to covers that make up practically all of American Idol). It'd be a mix of every genre under the sun: mainstream pop, R&B, country, rap, adult alternative, hard rock, acoustic, indie, electronica, Latino, Native American, Asian, religious, etc.

Complications and costs, however, would be numerous. Whichever network were to pick this up would have to establish contests in each state (plus DC, PR, etc. etc.), require their affiliates to carry it, organize phone banks and online/SMS voting and keep it to their state's ZIP codes. This would cause issues with markets that reach into multiple states, as in the case of Kansas City you'd have to run the contest on two separate days and alienate half your audience both times, as viewers with 913 & 785 area codes wouldn't be allowed to call during the Missouri qualifier, and 816 & 660 area codes wouldn't be allowed to cast votes during Kansas'.

And then comes the national contest: would the site be selected in accordance with whoever won the previous year, as is the case with Eurovision? That would showcase several cities across the US as the contest develops, but would organizers instead find it easy to stick with a supposedly neutral site like Las Vegas or New York? In terms of the broadcast, what shows would wind up getting pre-empted? Would hit radio stations be allowed to simulcast it? How many cut-ins would be budgeted for idiotic shameless plugs for upcoming movies bound to flop at the box office? How do you stop Canadians from calling in, or factor in out-of-state cell phones?

Simple enough, you'd probably have two semi-finals, with states pooled at random and then only those states would be able to vote that night, with the top five or so advancing to the national finals. (In Eurovision it's ten per semi plus the hose and "Big Four" of Germany, France, Spain and the UK, but they don't break for commercials so we won't have room for 25 acts.)

And two most critical questions: first, how do you score it? Eurovision uses a system where each country, regardless of its size, allocates 12 points to their top vote-getter, 11 to the second, etc. down to one. Would we retain the same, or would we come up with some bizarre take on the electoral college? Would provisions go into place to prevent states from ganging up on each other (say, Kansans intentionally voting for a handful of states to prevent Missouri from getting any of their points.) or pooling their votes behind a random candidate or ring of candidates from their bloc (most like New England in one bloc and Dixie for another)?

And second, are enough songwriters going to be willing to write 55+ original songs? Certainly several performers would be keep to showcase their original songwriting skills, but will that win the votes? Will eccentric and flashy choreography and wardrobe (or lack thereof) wind up winning more votes instead? Would the music industry, or moreso the radio conglomerates Clear Channel, Cumulus, Citadel, Entercom, etc., be keen to playing these songs?

Critically, will the diversity truly be there? Will enough acts from groups that could be classified as minority or multi-ethnic get into the national final that cries of racism or religious persecution not drown out the competition itself? And for this contest to proliferate, certainly there would need to be a Spanish-speaking counterpart broadcasting it, complete with states allowed to submit entries who perform in Spanish.

Aside from those complications, a US song contest would be quite unique and showcase the diverse, amalgamated ethnic culture that continues to develop in this great land. Now if a network were to run with this, get all their stations on board with it (which would wind up eating into local newscasts), line up the advertisers, and get Tom Bergeron, Mario Lopez, and/or Ellen DeGeneres to co-host the finals. It would unite the nation in a contest that explores the uniqueness of each state while at the same time celebrate the common bonds that make this nation great.

Here's to the Show-Me State's first entry getting douze points from several of its peers.